The saddest story i ever heard...please please help...

three years ago my partner left to go to kiev to work. he had no choice, he hated his job and could hardly go in, he was in debt and this high paid job seemed the answer. he expected me to want to go, but i was horrified. i was heartbroken at his going but tried to let him go. when he came back to visit me, i felt like i didnt know who is was anymore, conversation was awkward, i was upset, and seeing him again was traumatic. he was acting like he could pick off where we left off but the separation was too painful. i had been so close to him, so close that we wrote letters and called every few hours. now i didn't know where he lived, where he worked, who he was even talking about in conversation, plus id made new friends and got a new job too. he retured to kiev and i felt utterly alone. phonecalls were strained and i felt hed cut me out of his life in going. i was alone and when i met another man, i thought it best to try and get on with things. we kept in contact but i could see him growing more and more distant. i tried to get on with things, but i never ever forgot him. i carried on loving him for three years, crying for him, at the detriment of other relationships. he recently moved to berlin, i'd had three relationships since and nothing came close to the way i loved him. i decided i would do anything to get him back. so i wrote to him telling him i still loved him and i wanted him to make a life with me. he replied saying hed never forgotten me and that i had always been a reason for him to live and he felt that the last time he saw me, i was cold and distant and i was trying to tell him that he was not welcome anymore, and i made an allusion to another relationship in an email shortly after his visit and he felt deeply hurt. he said he had never realised that i felt like this still too and he said his feelings were strong, strong as ever and he said he thought hed always feel the same, but was in a relationship that could not be broken off. he had a partner and it was impossible to just leave her as he had dragged her to berlin for his new job and she was dependent on her, but he had made her life a misery recently by being moody and bitter and picking up on all her failings as he had sensed from the tone of my emails two weeks before that i wanted to see him again and he realised he quite clearly still felt the same about me. i replied begging him to reconsider, i said how can you feel like this about another woman and live with her, please leave. he replied saying that it was worse than that. he was married to this ukrainian woman- and they had a year old son together. he says how can i leave? i felt like i'd been shot through the heart. i stood and screamed and screamed. i never ever thought this could have happened in the two years since i'd last seen him. i replied telling him i was devastated and everything i ever wanted could not happen now. he replied saying he was not doing any better and that he would call me. he called me behind this woman's back from berlin. it was like we'd never been away. he kept saying why didnt you tell me, i thought you didnt want me anymore when you saw me. i said how could i ? you left me. i thought you didnt want to be with me anymore. he said no, not at all, you were the only good in my life. i said how could you have married and had a child? he said he didnt know how it had happened, it happened quickly it was all unplanned, he had no idea how it had all happened himself. he said i hadn't wanted to talk to him when he called. i said yes because i was devastated youd left, i darent talk to you because i'd end up screaming and crying down the phone. i said i thought i just best let you go, not make it worse by forcing him to come back here. he said i thought that about you. he kept asking me why i never said anything to him before, i said i thought it was too late, but i couldnt take it anymore. he said what can i do? i cant leave my son. i said i had no idea this had happened. he said he felt he was going under with all this emotion, he said he could hardly face his wife and child, he said he had no friends out there, nobody to talk to, he couldnt talk to his wife, he kept asking me what the hell can i do? i kept saying a child? how could you? how did this happen? he said i thought you didnt want me. we both ended up crying on the phone, in despair at the situation. he asked if i wanted to see him, he said he wanted to see me. he said hed try and think about what to do. he said he didnt trust himself not to be able to say anything to her, he said she has always accused him of having feelings for me and is jealous of me. he was crying and told me he didnt know what to do. he told me hed call again tomorrow. the next day i recieved a terse email saying that phoning was a mistake. it was too distressing, too painful, and we both have to accept that things have changed. he said he cant leave the family for me, if he did hed be guilt ridden and hell to live with, he says hes lived with her for two years and how can he not love the mother of his child? he cant just leave them. he said we need to accept this, not talk about it, and move on. it was the only way. we couldnt make it even worse. he said if you want whats best for me, its best for both of us to just forget this and get on with our lives, because we cant ruin other peoples lives. i basically agreed with him, that the more i spoke to him the worse i felt. then he mailed back saying he wished hed been able to talk to me about this earlier and accused me of thinking that hed be the same man. i said its a tragic situation and that yes, phoning and meeting is too painful. i said i will always be his friend still he said that he didnt want to stop talking to me ever, but we couldnt keep saying how we felt as it was ruining our lives and that i had so much to give the world and i should try and forget this. we had to reduce the frequency of our emails too. i can't get over this though. i know how i feel and he knows he feels the same. i know he feels guilt ridden and in despair. i know hes unhappy and living in a sham marriage, hes lost all his friends, been pressured into marriage. i know hes feeling desperate and torn apart and going through agony. hes somebody who will do what he thinks is the right thing at the cost of himself, but i know hes torn by his feelings for me. i cant help but think this woman has trapped him into pregancy for passport reasons. i know this man to the bottom of his heart. i know everything about him, much more than she does, i know what's best for him, i know his deepest secrets all the things that have happened to him, all his ideals. his life has been ruined by this now, and i know he still wants to be with me, but he can't. the worst thing is, that she has taken what should be mine. i wanted to give him his first child, and marry him. now i can only be a second wife at best, and give him his second child. plus,if he leaves, i never wanted this for myself, to be 24 with ex-wife hanging about and a child from a previous marriage and him with the responsibility this entails. i feel like hes ruined both our lives. the worst thing is, she has all the rights to him, not me. if he were to die, god forbid, hes instructed me about everything he wants, even like where he wants me to scatter his ashes. i know all his fears all his insecurities. i know him. he should be my husband not hers. i believe the marriage will dissovle. i hope it will, it seems a terrible scenario. the worst thing is, that i know he will feel terrible about it. i also will feel like an email i sent is the cause of this, but despite everything he is my soulmate and i his, and i need to be with him. i cant get over this, i have spent every day crying and angry and resentful and in utter pain. i'm crying too because i know that the man who is everything to me, is hurting. whatever happens, i'm not sure what to think. i dont think this marriage will last. i cant move on because i know he still loves me and he may return. but i'm not sure i could cope with it. she obviously already resents me. i cant get over the fact that she has had his baby. it was supposed to be mine. i have been robbed of everything. i want to tell him i'll always be here, but i dont want to pressure him. hes obviously in huge denial. i think he does love her, but not like he loves me. if that is so how can he say he feels as strongly as ever, when i know the way he used to feel about me? if he leaves the child, she will remain abroad, shes already in a foreign country, and he says he cant desert them there. but hes deserted there too. i cant believe, he of all people, has got himself in this mess. its so unlike him, everybody i know has been stunned by it. but he is still everything to me. i've loved him since i was 16. what on earth can i do? i cant let this go, because i know we both feel the same, and i don't want to compromise our happiness, but i know i need to have no part in the breakdown of his marriage, because i don't want anybody, not his ex, not him, not his son, to be able to see me as the other woman, or the home wrecker. but i'm not. i know i'm the only person he should be with. the worst of it is, he knows it too. has anybody ever been through a similar experience and how did it work out?