Simon Cowell is leaving all his money to charity

Bad luck, kid: Simon Cowell is leaving all his money to charity

Dark Lord Of All That Is Evil And Also The X Factor And Also Britain’s Got Talent Simon Cowell has revealed that, actually, he isn’t evil at all, actually, so shut up, and he is in fact going to be giving all of his money to charity when he eventually carks it.
Which obviously, yes, means that tiny unborn child that New York socialite Lauren Silverman is carrying around will have to get an actual job one day. The horror

In an interview with Esquire, Simon explained that he didn’t believe in leaving money to the family, so presumably will be leaving all of his millions to impoverished children struck down with high-waisted trousers and perfectly symmetrical haircuts.
“I’m going to be leaving my money to somebody,” he said, Simon Cowell-y. “A charity, probably – kids and dogs. I don’t believe in that passing on from one generation to another.”
He also revealed that he would be working deep into his old age, all cowed and bent and broken and wearing a white t-shirt draped over old man boobs and plain jeans and saying ‘it’s a no from me’ before weakly wetting himself.